in harsh winter(s)
some sun is fine/ to survive/ nothing else would elevate me/ except your hands/ on my head/ in my hair/ while you smile/ I’ll wait/ I can wait/ until you come back/ I imagine you/ as my pillows/ bedsheets/ blanket/ its covers/ sometimes curtains too/ so I feel protected/ from the cold/ outside world/ I’ll leave/ this whole world/ for your sight/ or even a little glimpse/ I’ll exchange all this/ to place my face/ in your soft moist palms/ in warm greens/ flies climbing/ over our arms/ rubbing their hands/ at every step/ bees sucking honey/ right through our fingers/ and colorful flowers/ I’ll hold/ your hand/ cup our shared sweat/ I won’t let it dry/ I’ll laugh/ I’ll cry/ I’ll love/ I’ll live if only/ you’ll let me/ breathe you/ otherwise/ some sun is fine/ to survive
living by myself in a rented apartment
it’s midnight/ I find myself/ in the bathroom/ illuminated/ by dim red light/ the rat that spends the day/ joyous/ in the kitchen/ at the end/ ends up/ immobile/ in the rattrap/ I pick up/ the rusting razor/ carve out/ my dry skin/ face feels rough/ perhaps/ from the dust/ the fine weight/ of the entire day/ I shaved before leaving/still I repeat/ in need of/ a real reason/ to face my face/ a plastic bucket/ sits silently/ half burnt/ from the top/ due to the heating rod/ holds a floating cup/ half-filled/ with water/ the silence and stability/ in this cubicle/ are mostly comforting/ however/ lately disturbing/ it’s really hard/ to deceive time/ in that room/ alone
hereafter, I
wander alone/ high and low/ in empty lifts/ amidst the absence/ all around/ the lifts hold/ scattered hair/ a relic of the daylight/ I rush out/ and see/ a silhouette/ reminding me/ of your walk/ in the open air/ I am diabolical/ you’re alive/ to me/ caressing me/ brushing tangled hair/ no metros here/ no huge diesel trucks/ no silent electric vehicles/ only humans/ smoking cigarettes/ groaning about/ upcoming hailstorms/ your skin/ similar to snow/ lets me know/ it despises touch/ no one/ holds/ such smothered skin/ I feel/ trapped/ in a chamber/ of reflections/ memories pinching my feet/ I endure
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